I find myself āmoving into my new life.ā I am seriously in transition. I find myself clinging to old behaviors that donāt serve me or my future.
I woke up one night it was like 1:50am or something, but I didnāt get all the way up, or be coherent enough until later. When I did, I looked at my clock and decided to look up with this particular number means bc it was the moment I was like, āok Lord what we getting into tonight.ā It was 2:33am – 233 means āsalt.ā
Originally I thought it meant being the salt of the earth and thatās what I studied. I would always see on bumper stickers and car windows the words, āSalt Life.ā And although it has NOTHING to do with God Lol I just likened to messages from God for me telling me, Iām the āsalt of the earth.ā Like as a reminder.
A Couple nights ago I had a dream, a deeply disturbing dream. It was me being in this grocery store, And two girls were there and presented themselves to me and they were reaching over to me from the other side trying to hand me this paper and they were speaking to me about how I may qualify for this new housing opportunity. And they handed me this āhousing application.ā As I went to take it m, the girl was looking at me but then she blinked and her eyes turned to reptile eyes and they remained like for a good minute, and then after while she blinked and they turned back. I noticed it in the dream but didnāt say anything, I said ok thanks and went on about my business but felt very uneasy. It was also another person there and they said out loud that they didnāt even wanna shop nomore and was ready to bounce, I had the same feeling but didnāt say anything. We werenāt far from the exit/entrance. And then I woke up.
These couple days I missed work bc I just felt like I couldnāt do it. Like I could but I couldnāt and I just let whatever just come over me and I just didnāt make it to work. Today is the 3rd day I didnāt make it in. I donāt know if I still have a job.
Yesterday, I study Sodom and Gomorrah with my love. And I perceive God speaking to me about āmoving to a new life.ā How I even stumbled across the Word was I was kinda falling off the couch a bit with my Bible in hand at the index page and it ripped a little bit and I had to catch it so it didnāt rip any further, the index page was on the āMāsā and the rip stopped at the word/phrase, āmoving to a new life.ā
There is where I noticed I may be Lotās wife in this instance looking back in my own way and not allowing myself to fully walk in my new. Iām having a hard time stepping out of old behaviors and habits and Iāve likened this behavior to me turning into a pillar of salt, to God turning me over, like I forget how itās said, but itās like God giving me up to my sins, like āyeah gon head, yup, thatās what you wanna do , Bet, Stay over there!ā And THATS why I seen the word āSALTā, at least the REAL reason why I seen the word, salt!! Bc salt means, or is commonly used to āto preserve.ā But, even with that, I see the contrast!!Wooowww, Lord, like Abba is saying, I can choose to be the salt of the earth, or I can choose to become a pillar of salt, and remain like how Iāve been:: red or blue pill honey. You can be the salt that preserves my Word or you gon be pillar of salt and remain living foolishly, not growing, not exactly living fully, but dying to live.
I think about Job and how God and satan was actually just talking one day, and God just chose Job like yeah, try him. I feel like the reason I saw those reptile eyes represents the devil presenting me with the āhousingā opportunity to continue with my foolishness over there with him cuz God not having that at His house. Jesus!!
Wow.
And currently I have hives all over my torsoā (I have never broken out into hives)! But I feel like Iām trying to fight so hard against my sins, and the devil is winning. I have what they call āstress bumps,ā or hives bc Iām stressed and anxious about my own behaviors. Iām scared Iāll never change. I know for a fact I will die without God. Any changes I need to make Iām willing but I gotta want it too and do the work, sometimes itās better said than done, I donāt want to lose my life, especially the ānew lifeā God is literally walking me into.
I see my sins Father and I lay them at your feet. I lay them all on the altar I WANT my new life, I tear off me the garments and remnants of my past, past behaviors habits and attitudes etc please burn it off me right now in the name of Jesus. I accept my new life, wholeheartedly, I surrender all, I donāt want to miss what you have for me. I want every promise you ever promised me!!!
I see that I am at risk of losing it all, and the devil is knocking at my door trying to get in ā No weapon formed against me shall prosper!!! Not even of my own doing! Donāt give me up, donāt give up on me, help me not to give up on myself.
God please save me. I need RESCUE š!!
Please Rescue Me.
Please forgive me.
I Repent. šš¾š¤¦šæāāļøš§¼